Scars

Confession: When I first found out that I might have melanoma, my biggest concern was having a scar (second was missing workouts). Not my health, because, you know, it's "just skin cancer", but having a scar from the melanoma excision. For the record, the scar is no big deal at all, here's what it looked like when I first had the steri-strips removed:

It looks a little gross (a friend helpfully pointed out that it looked like something from The Matrix was under my skin), but it really didn't even bother me, and over a few weeks, it flattened out to look like this:

Just to clear my name, once I was made aware of the severity of melanoma, I was no longer concerned about the scar! Something about PET scans and lymph node biopsies kind of took over the top of the list of things to worry about :) Fortunately, at the time, everything was fine, and I was back in the gym in no time - I had orders not to sweat for the first 2 weeks until it was time for the steri-strips to come off (not sure how I was supposed to strictly follow that rule in Florida in July!), so I'd do cardio with a fan pointed at me so I wouldn't sweat too much. 

Anyway, as you probably already know, the melanoma did end up spreading to my lymph nodes and I had another surgery this past August. I'm still working on getting back to where I used to be in the gym, the lymph node removal has been harder to recover from, and I have a lot of tenderness and numbness from my lats (the muscles on the side of your back) to my triceps (back of arm) on my left side. So during my workout the other day, I was stretching my arms over my head, and I noticed how you can barely see the scar under my arm; it was a great scar to begin with (thanks Dr B!!), and the redness has mostly gone away. Inside, I can definitely still feel the effects of surgery, but someday, that's going to go away, and I'll be back to normal. But that scar will still be there, reminding me of what I've been through, and reminding me that life is precious, and tomorrow is never guaranteed, no matter who you are. I think emotional scars work the same way. When something happens to us emotionally, at first we're really sad, and it's like a fresh wound that reminds us of its existence every moment of every day. Over time, those wounds heal, and eventually, we go back to life as normal. But we're still forever changed, and carry those scars with us for the rest of our lives. I don't think we need to be scared of these scars though. They make us who we are. So even though initially I was so worried about having a scar on my shoulder, I've realized, the scars in life make us who we are. Every scar, whether physical or emotional, means that we overcame something difficult. If it doesn't make you a better person in some way, it's wasted, but if you learn and grow from the scrapes and bruises that life throws your way, those scars aren't for nothing, and we can even be thankful for them. Or at least thankful that we made it through, thankful for having strength that we didn't even realize was there. And since I'm finishing this post right before Thanksgiving, that seems pretty fitting! No matter who is reading this, you have something, probably very many things, to be thankful for, and I hope you don't need a food filled holiday to remember that! 

Have a very happy and thankful Thanksgiving, and please keep me in your prayers, Friday I have ipi treatment #2, and I'm hoping to continue without any side effects. Still, I think I'd rather be at Mayo Clinic all day than out shopping on Black Friday!! :)