Tanning

Since being diagnosed with melanoma, and especially since it progressed last summer, I read a lot about tanning, not because I seek it out, but because it's so central to the whole melanoma deal. I believe in moderation when it comes to a lot of things, and I'm pretty moderate in my opinion of tanning. I don't think it's the worst thing you can do, and I definitely don't think it's the best thing you can do. One of the reasons I didn't go get my mole checked out sooner was because I thought they were going to lecture me about tanning and doom me to a life in the darkness. My mom had a stage I melanoma and her dermatologist basically advised her to become a vampire - in my opinion anyway. Actually the first dermatologist I went to never really lectured me about tanning at all, she did her spiel about wearing sunscreen and avoiding the sun at the peak times (10am - 4pm), but that was about it. My Mayo Clinic derm also never lectures and has even less of a spiel about sunscreen - not because it doesn't matter, but because I pretty much know the spiel now. 

I know a lot of people don't want to listen to any melanoma awareness talk because they don't want to change their tanning habits, like me. Because I know this and understand it, I encourage you to take small steps in changing your habits. If you have a habit of letting yourself get burned in the summer, please be more careful this year! Wear more sunscreen than you think you need, and re-apply it more often than you think you need to. If you tan in the tanning bed, I'd like to say quit, but I know not everyone will, so at least cut back and supplement with self tanning lotion - that's what I did pre-melanoma and it helps boost the tan a lot (I feel like I'm doing something very wrong by offering any tanning tips, but I'm just working with the knowledge that not everyone will just quit tanning!). But understand this - tanning your skin is damage. It just is. We all have seen the stereotypical old lady who's tanned too much and has leathery skin, like this: 

I think we can all agree that it's not the most attractive thing ever, and if you continue to tan, you will look like some version of this when you're old! You'll have more wrinkles, and your skin will not look nice. So while you feel like you have a "healthy glow", you're really just damaging your skin, and your future self will regret it, skin cancer or not.

And if you're really worried about the way you look, scars from having skin cancer removed don't look pretty. It's not just melanoma, basal and squamous skin cancers also require a chunk o' skin to be removed. I've been fortunate to have my melanomas on my back/shoulder, where there's some extra skin, but if there's not enough extra skin where yours is, they could have to graft skin from somewhere else, and it's just not fun. Don't even get me started on the fear that skin cancer will show up on my face, and even though I have ALWAYS, even as a teenager, been very careful not to let my face get ANY sun, it could still happen. Plastic surgeons can do great things but who wants to go through that?! If you need a dose of the reality of living with advanced stage melanoma, go read the message boards at Melanoma Research Foundation and you will see personal accounts of what these people go through. Not what the doctors say, although that's elsewhere on the website, but real people, young, old, rich, poor, from all over the world, who have had their lives turned upside down by melanoma. Traveling to appointments, worrying about what insurance will or won't cover, having multiple surgeries and treatments, and sometimes planning for the loss of their lives or the lives of loved ones. If all you know about melanoma is me and what I've been through, you don't know a fraction of this world. I am thankful every day that so far, my situation has been pretty easy, at least compared to so many others'. 

The flip side of the tanning controversy are the claims of how good the sun is for you, the vitamin D exposure, etc. First of all, I laugh whenever I see the whole vitamin D thing used as a reason to tan in the tanning bed, not because it's actually funny, but because how many of these vitamin D proponents eat a healthy diet full of fruits and vegetables needed to get other important vitamins and minerals? Now, if someone does eat a healthy diet, and tries to get a little sunshine on a regular basis, I think that's great. But don't push tanning as something that's healthy for you, especially in a tanning bed. Getting a small amount of sunshine is a different story than baking yourself in the sun or tanning bed. If you're out enough to get "tan", you're probably overdoing it. It makes me a little sick to read articles that make it sound like tanning is good for you, and it's not like I'm totally anti-sun, I just think it's irresponsible to pretend that it's healthy to get inside a tanning bed for 20 minutes a few times a week. For 99% of tanners, I would be willing to bet that it's about the way they look and has nothing to do with vitamin D. 

So, the takeaway from this is, try to be moderate and work on changing some of your habits. Just like I tell personal training clients, or anyone who asks my advice on weight loss, making small changes to your existing habits is the key. I'd love to get all of you to quit the tanning bed, wear sunscreen on a daily basis, and really load up on sunscreen when you're out in the sun, but I can see you now, putting your fingers in your ears, saying "lalalalalala I can't hear you" at the first sign of a skin cancer lecture. So for yourself and those who love you, please just be more careful! 

Happy Valentine's Day!

Just a quick post to say Happy Valentine's Day to everyone! Whether in a relationship or not, I've always felt like V-Day is a little silly and pointless, but I do have a lot of great people in my life who I love very dearly, from family to friends and family who are like friends and friends who are like family. I'm a really lucky girl to have so many people love me, and to have so many people to love! So whether you have a hot date for Valentine's Day, or a hot date with your couch and the TV, be thankful for the ones you love! And chocolate, be thankful for chocolate. 

How cute is this?! Found it here: Brick Artist

Don't Do That!

I was watching TV last night and an awareness commercial for something came on, I can't remember what it was for, but it made me think about how we usually champion for a cause that has affected us in some way. No one really cares about texting and driving until someone they know has been in a car accident while reading or answering a text (well that's half true because my mom gets on to me about texting and driving all the time!). No one cares about cancer until they have been personally affected by it. The list could go on and on. I never thought much about melanoma until I had to go get a PET scan to see if it had spread to my internal organs, even though my mom had it and had a "shark bite" scar on her arm. Hers wasn't deep enough to warrant any further lymph node biopsies or PET scans, so even after she had it, it was still "just skin cancer" to me. 

So as I saw this commercial last night for whatever it was, I was thinking about how we're constantly being told what to do or not to do. In the melanoma world, it's don't tan, wear your sunscreen, etc. In other worlds, it's don't text and drive, don't drink and drive, don't smoke, etc. The anti-smoking commercials are probably the best example. They show people whose lives have been drastically altered due to smoking, whether they have to use a voice box thing to speak (I probably could've googled the name of that thing but I'm lazy and you know what I'm talking about!), or have had body parts amputated, or use an oxygen tank to breathe. I wonder how many smokers are actually affected by these ads? If you're a smoker and reading this, let me know in the comments! Melanoma obviously isn't as widely talked about, but I've seen some pictures that should make anyone put on sunscreen and visit their dermatologist, but I wonder if I'd seen those pictures pre-mel, would it have changed my behavior? I guess what I'm getting at is, I wonder if these awareness ads actually make a difference? Are they ignored by many, and maybe taken seriously by a few? Or are we all desensitized to anything we hear or see on TV?

I know that no one ever comments on my posts, but I'm really curious what other people think about this, and what you think does get through to others, so if you have an opinion, please share!

A Caregivers Point of View on Cancer

Today's post is from a guest blogger, who contacted me through this blog and wanted to share the story of his wife's diagnosis with mesothelioma (wow, I spelled that correctly on my first try!). Obviously I focus on melanoma, and from the side of the patient, but I think it's a great idea to learn about other illnesses and other points of view.

So, I'd like to introduce you to Cameron!

A Husband's Reflections on His Wife's Cancer Diagnosis

November 21, 2005 is a day never to be forgotten in my family. It’s the day my wife was diagnosed with cancer, malignant pleural mesothelioma, and I became her caregiver.  The timing of her diagnosis could not have been more devastating. Just three months before Heather’s mesothelioma diagnosis, we celebrated the birth of our first and only child, our daughter Lily. We had been eagerly anticipating her first Christmas and the memories we would make as a new family.  However, the diagnosis changed all those plans in an instant.

The implications of caring for someone diagnosed with cancer became apparent while we were still in the physician's office. We were told that we needed to go elsewhere for treatment, with three options that included the local university hospital, a regional hospital without a Mesothelioma program, or a Mesothelioma specialist in Boston named Dr. David Sugarbaker. My wife was silent in disbelief. I knew that she was shocked and needed help, so I told the doctor that we would see the specialist in Boston.  This would be the first of many difficult decisions we would be asked to make over the coming months.

Our daily routines disappeared after that. Heather had to quit working and I had to scale back to part-time in order to care for Heather and Lily. Traveling to appointments and caring for Lily caused me to feel overwhelmed. I feared my wife would die and my child and I would be bankrupt and alone.  These thoughts filled me with fear and dread, and more than once I cried and wished it would all disappear. However, I never let Heather see me in these moments of weakness.  I always did my best to remain strong in front of her.

Family, friends and complete strangers helped us with everything from comforting words to money, reminding us we were not alone. We are thankful to each and every person who reached out to us in our time of need. One thing I learned, and the strongest piece of advice I can offer to others in a fight with cancer, is that if someone offers help, accept it.  There is no room for pride or stubbornness when a loved one’s life is on the line.  Even the smallest bit of help can be a weight off your shoulders, and will remind you that you are not alone in the fight.

Caring for someone with cancer is difficult. Stress, uncertainty and chaos test you daily. Strong emotions such as fear and anger surface. You will have bad days, this is inevitable and you have to accept that, but you can never give up hope.  Always hold on to hope, and use every resource at hand to get yourself through. Heather went through surgery, radiation and chemotherapy fighting mesothelioma, and against all odds, she managed to beat it. Seven years later she is still cancer-free.

I used my stubbornness to my advantage and learned that time is precious. Two years after Heather's diagnosis, while working fulltime and caring for her and 2-year-old Lily, I returned to school fulltime to study Information Technology. I graduated at the top of my class and much to my honor, was the speaker of my class. I remember my graduation speech well.  I told my fellow graduates to never give up hope and realize that within each of us is someone capable of accomplishing anything, as long as we believe in ourselves.  Heather and Lily were in the audience to cheer me on, and that was the greatest reward of all.

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Thanks to Cameron for sharing his family's story! You can "like" Heather's page on Facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/HeatherVonStJames?fref=ts and visit the mesothelioma blog that Cameron and Heather contribute to here: http://www.mesothelioma.com/blog/authors/cameron/

Happy Birthday To Me!!!

So yesterday was my birthday, and I happened to have follow up scans scheduled that day. Blood work at 7am (boo!) and a PET/CT Scan at 9, with an appointment at 2:30 to get results. I love that Mayo gives results the same day! The first 2 scans I had were at a different hospital and it took a couple weeks to get results. Especially the 2nd time, when no one seemed to know what was going on or who ordered the test to begin with, but that's a long story for another day. Anyway, ever since they scheduled the scans I've been a little anxious, which I guess is pretty common since the term "scanxiety" has been coined for this very thing. The day went by pretty fast, the break in between blood work and the scan was the worst, because I couldn't eat. But once the scan was over, I ran some errands, visited my mom at work for a little bit, then we went to lunch, where I took advantage of a great wine tasting special they had, then I wasn't so anxious for the appointment to get results! We got back to Mayo right on time, got called back almost immediately, and the doctor came in within 5 minutes of being in the room. Dr J, my oncologist, is probably the most caring doctor I've ever been to. Within seconds of walking into the room, he says those words we all want to hear after a scan, "Everything's fine"! The last time I had scans, it was on a Friday and my appointment wasn't until the following Monday, and he called me on Friday afternoon to let me know all was well. I really appreciate that kind of stuff. Also, after I left yesterday, he called me to say Happy Birthday and he was sorry he didn't notice while he was in the room. Little things like that mean a lot, and while his competence as a doctor is the most important, the fact that he seems to care about his patients as people means a lot! All in all, great birthday! I had tons of sweet messages, phone calls, texts, flowers, cupcakes, drinks, etc. 

I saw something on Facebook about 50 Bible verses everyone should know, so a couple weeks ago I decided to memorize one a week for the rest of the year, and I wanted to share this week's verses (the 2nd part isn't on the list, but I love it):

Isaiah 40:28 - Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. 

I really love that last part and it means a lot to me, especially this week. People say that I'm strong and a lot of other nice things, but I know that I'm only strong because God gives me strength, where I am weak, He is strong and He gives me the grace to get through tough situations. For the past few weeks, I've had "scanxiety" and wondered if something was going to show up this time, knowing that if it does, that puts me in the stage IV category, but I also know that whatever happens, God will give me strength to get through. Whatever you are going through today, God will give you strength as well, you just have to ask for it and know that He will provide just what you need. It doesn't mean that life will be easy, or that you will always be happy about your circumstances, but He can make beautiful things out of the ugliness. I've met some wonderful people because I have melanoma, and I've had the opportunity to share with others through this blog and Facebook, and I've been so blessed in so many ways. 

Well, I'm gonna stop here before this short update becomes a long winded ramble! Later y'all!

Love Your Skin Link Up

I'm doing my first blogger "Link Up"! Yay! The lovely Katie of Pretty in Pale put this together with Erin of Shades of Gray and a Pinch of Pink (until today I had not read Erin's blog, but she's pretty hilarious! - and check her blog post on this subject, if for no other reason than to see the sun damage done to one half of a truck driver's face! Crazy!)

So, here we go with the questions!

1. What's your daily skincare routine?

I'm not sure I'd call it a "routine", but usually I wash my face at night in the shower (currently using Neutrogena Naturals), and then moisturize with Neutrogena Night Cream or sometimes just coconut oil. In the morning, I rinse off my face but don't wash it because it seems to dry it out too much, and moisturize with either Jergens gradual self tanner for the face, or Neutrogena daytime lotion, both of them with SPF of course! I try to exfoliate on a fairly regular basis, and I have a few different things that I use, some of them from samples that I get.  

2. A skin product you could never live without?

Hmmmmm, definitely need moisturizer, definitely need sunscreen, speaking strictly skin care and not makeup, I guess that's what I can't live without. If we're talking about makeup as well, under eye concealer and eyeliner!

3. Have you ever used a tanning bed?

Oh yes, of course I have! I started when I was pretty young, probably 16-17, and tanned off and on for years until I was diagnosed with melanoma at 33. I was never a "tanorexic" and always tried to be moderate, but as a lot of us have learned, there's really no such thing as a safe/moderate tan. I will not pretend that I don't miss having a streak free tan, or the nap time I had in the tanning bed, but I now compare tanning beds with smoking, it might make you feel better temporarily, but the consequences are most definitely not worth it! And it's not just the risk of skin cancer, it's also the sun damage that can make you look old beyond your years. 

4. Thoughts on spray tanning?

Spray tanning is ok, I have done it a few times for special occasions, even before melanoma entered my life. It's not perfect, at best, you'll have some streaking and it looks a little weird wearing off, and at worst, you'll look like an oompa loompa! I don't spray tan much, but I do use self tanner on a regular basis. It's important to love your skin (and body!) the way it is, but I also have pale skin and dark body hair, along with keratosis pilaris (red bumps on my arms and legs), so I need a little help! 

5. Favorite brand of sunscreen?

For my face, I use Neutrogena sunscreen with a ridiculously high SPF if I'm going to be outside. For the rest of my body, I'll use whatever I find as long as it's not expired - and I will throw it away if it's expired, even though it's probably still good and I'm just wasting my money, but better safe than sorry! 

6. Biggest skincare splurge?

I guess my biggest splurge is Bare Minerals makeup, and Urban Decay Primer, and even though they're makeup products, I feel like Bare Minerals is good for my skin so I'm counting it! I'd love to splurge on Arbonne because I love their products, but I also like to be able to just walk into a store and buy what I need, and Arbonne isn't sold in stores.

7. Celebrity with the most perfect skin?

That would probably have to be Nicole Kidman, her skin is gorgeous!

8. Feature you're most self-conscious about?

Geez, how much time do we have here? I suppose the aforementioned dark hair and keratosis pilaris makes me the most self conscious. 

9. What do you think about botox?

There are times that I look at my forehead and eye wrinkles and think it would be awesome to get botox, but for the most part, I would not want poison injected into my face. Plus, my eye wrinkles are mostly from smiling and laughing a lot during my almost 35 years on this earth (34 years and 51 weeks exactly, but who's counting?!). Just like most things, I think it's fine in moderation, but it can be overdone and then you just look weird and expressionless.

10. I feel most confident when...

When I'm gross and sweaty from a great workout! Or when I'm dressed up to go out - I work in a small office and don't really dress up much for work, and then I'm at the gym most days after work, so I spend a lot of time in jeans, shorts, t-shirts, tank tops, flip flops, tennis shoes, etc, so I love getting dressed up sometimes!

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So, that was fun! Be sure to check out Katie & Erin's blogs, and on their posts they have links to the others who are participating so you can see what all they have to say about their skin. You might get ideas about awesome products to use, or learn from someone else's prospective about skin care and health. If you're a blogger, you should definitely participate! 

Happy (Late) New Year!

So, I'm not a very good blogger as far as posting on a regular basis and keeping people updated on what's going on with me (even though probably anyone who actually reads this and cares already knows!). I'm going to TRY and post a little more regularly, whether melanoma related or not. I'm a part time personal trainer so I've thought about including some general health and fitness related posts. Anyone who knows me knows that I can definitely ramble on about that subject forever!

The first thing I'd like to update is my last excisions. Remember the scar that looked pretty bad for a stage 0 melanoma? This is what it looked like 2 weeks after the excision: 

Not bad at all! I know the picture is terrible, but it's really hard to take a picture from that angle! The scar is barely even visible, what looked so bad in the first picture was the glue, once that came off, it looked so much better. You can see where the band-aid was irritating my skin though. The 2nd excision was on my leg, and it's healing very well, but this is where I will offer advice to anyone having an excision done - do NOT opt for a shave removal as opposed to a punch removal! If you are having the initial biopsy done, NEVER opt for a shave, as that could keep them from properly staging it if it is melanoma. In this case, they'd gotten it all, and it was just a question as to how to get clear margins. They thought a shave might be better so that I didn't have to worry about stitches, but the shave (basically they just scooped out some skin and left it open to heal) has been a pain! I keep it covered in Vaseline and band-aids, but the band-aid again is irritating my skin, and it's just gross and is taking forever to heal! Good news is, both of them came back with no melanoma/atypical cells, so they got everything with the initial biopsy. I guess the bad part is that I was cut on for no reason, but a few weeks of annoyance is better than not knowing!

As far as the drug trial, I have now had my 4th treatment, and still zero side effects! I ran/walked a 1/2 marathon 2 days after my 3rd treatment. After the 4th treatment (about a week and a half ago), there have been times I was wondering if side effects were kicking in, but I don't think so, aside from maybe some fatigue - it's hard to say if that is because of the Ipi, or just because I've been pushing myself in the gym a little more and taught 3 spin classes last week on top of everything else! 

I also started the "Lean Body Challenge" last week, although I could probably just call it the "Eat Clean and Workout Challenge" because that's my real focus. I've got some gym friends and Facebook friends participating with me, and I also joined a DietBet and have $50 to lose if I don't lose 4% of my body weight in 4 weeks. If you need motivation to eat right and work out, check out their website! Btw, losing 1% of your body weight per week is very safe and reasonable weight loss. What's bad is that my health alone wasn't enough to keep me motivated, because it really should be, for all of us. Whether I had melanoma or not, my health should be one of the most important things to me, but I have a hard time putting the effort into it sometimes. You have to shop for groceries, you have to get all this food ready to eat, whether cooking or prepping, you have to have the willpower to actually eat this healthy fresh food when you're tempted to go out to eat instead, you have to make time to exercise and many times, force yourself to finish when you don't feel like it. Isn't it so much easier to sit on the couch, and order a pizza?! But, we truly "are what we eat", and I sincerely feel so much better when I am eating healthy lean protein, whole, unprocessed carbs, and plenty of fruits and vegetables. I've never once left the gym thinking, "I wish I'd went home and watched TV instead", I'm always glad I exercised, even when I have to get up early on a Saturday to go running, even when it wasn't my best work out or when I've struggled through an entire run. I did the "Lean Body Challenge" 2 years ago, and my goal was to win the challenge - which included winning a cruise! This time, I just needed something external to motivate me and I'm not "officially" entering the challenge, but my goals are to use the 12 weeks to learn how to live a healthy life style, once and for all, not for a 12 week period, but forever. I'm not saying I will never eat fries and pizza (because I haven't lost my mind!!), but the junk food (and a lot of it really is just junk, if it doesn't do something GOOD for your body, it's doing something BAD) should be an exception, maybe a treat, not part of a regular diet. I had it flipped around for a while, where the junk was the rule, and the healthy food was the exception. Bottom line, whether you are skinny or fat, young or old, healthy or sick, what you put in your body is important! Being skinny and appearing healthy doesn't get you off the hook - think of a car that looks awesome on the outside, shiny paint, nice wheels, clean interior, etc, but under the hood, the engine is rusted, has low quality fuel, no oil or fluids, hoses falling off everywhere; how far is that car going to take you? Is it worth it to have a car that looks nice but can't make it to the end of your street? The flip side of that is a car that looks beaten up on the outside, maybe some dents, some paint missing, little body rust, but the engine has been maintained, fluids are topped off, high quality fuel is being used, and you could drive it across the country and back. That's a Melissa original analogy, and you're welcome :)

I wonder if I posted more often, if my posts would be shorter? Yeah.....I doubt it too.....

Anyway, til next time, I'm going to steal a line from one of my favorite movies ever, Take Care of You!